Washroom Interview

I was messing around with my artist's statement trying make it interesting. What I came up with was a script. It's completely imaginary. Okay, sorta. Imaginary.

It's a bit, uh, unprofessional for an artist statement, but I love it. It's me through and through. Though it may not measure up for my official artist's statement, it's perfect for my blog. Welcome to my inner world!

Warning! The following contains rude and odd subject matter. Reader discretion is advised.

Liam stands in the men’s room peeing. He is interviewing himself, dreaming of being a rich and famous artist.

Interviewer: What kind of painting do you do, Liam?

Liam: I do the kind of painting I like.

Interviewer: Okay then Mr. cryptic, what kind of painting do you like, then?

Liam: Allow me to answer your thoughtful question now, while I make sure I don’t step in any of this nastiness on the floor.

Interviewer: You’re making the nastiness worse.

Liam: (singing happily) Splish splash, I was taking a slash…

I like paintings that are full of improvisation. I like when a painting is taken to the place where it “works” and no further so it’s alive, rough and it has those unplanned-for happy accidents. If it’s not designed well, it’s just messy. But if those moments of happenstance are harnessed with design, there’s something divine that happens.

Interviewer: (snarky) Well, that sounds VERY ARTFUL.

Liam: You getting’ lippy with me?

Interviewer: Lippy? Who you callin’ lippy? I’m a professional.

Liam: You’re a figment of my imagination.

Interviewer: A professional figment of your imagination.

So Liam, what is your art about?

Liam: That question almost redeems your lippiness.

Interviewer: (Stepping out of the way) Hey, watch where you aim that thing.

Liam: (Laughs evilly) Shake it like a Polaroid picture…

In the broad strokes, my work is abstract. I do decorative, Christian and musical themes, and I’m modernist. I don’t like labels generally, but modernist is a term that definitely applies.

Interviewer: What does “modernist” mean?

Liam: It means modern: like ipods and Blackberries.

Interviewer: No it doesn’t.

Liam: No, it doesn’t. Sorry, didn’t mean to talk down to you.

Interviewer: I hate being talked down to.

Liam: You’re a very sensitive figment of my imagination.

Interviewer: I’m sensitive, and you’re going pee. Who knows who’s going to read this thing?

Liam: Modernist. Ah yes. Well, modernist means I make paintings that are intriguing in their own right, not because of what they illustrate. They’re happy being paintings and nothing more. Call them paintings without insecurity issues.

Interviewer: People love confidence.

Liam: Don’t they, though? (Looking around) There’s no toilet paper.

Interviewer: Oh crap.

Liam: Good idea. (Grin)

"If" That Poem Could Actually Happen

"If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;"

This is an exerpt from "If". I used to read it on my grandma's fridge all the time, over and over. The words mezmerized me. They still do.

In painting, I meet with triumph and disaster daily. The creative process and the business of painting can be extreme experiences at times. The goal for me is just to stay steadfast.

Some days, getting out of bed is like being Wile E. Coyote falling from a mountaintop, smacking into a puff of dust on the ground.

But I get up, I thank God for the day, then curse as I walk to the bathroom, scratching myself. The dayjob is menial, but I'm thankful for it. All the crap going on around me takes it's toll, but whatever. I plod through. But when I walk into that studio, click on the lights and put on some Erik Satie, or Miles Davis, or pop music, or Elvis and start to work on a painting, I get lost. Art is like that sometimes for me: the focus is bliss. Thankfully, painting isn't just escapism; each successful painting is an arrow in the heart of my medioctrity. Each sale takes me one step closer to fulfilling goals. It's a big middle finger to the world that says "Artists never make money". Mwahahahahaaaa!

That poem on my gramma's fridge haunts my mind. Character is my greatest battle. (obviously.) Art and life are nothing in comparison. What really matters is being a man in the best sense of the word and being steadfast. Well, even if I never get there, (as though anyone really could!) Take what life dishes out and keep going.
Not triumphs nor disasters, ups nor downs, nor dreams, none of these are masters. Thinking is not an end unto itself, intelligence means very little... how much wisdom can be packed into one poem anyway? I'll have to thank my gramma when I see her next, on the other side. I bet she has a fridge there, too.

Liam
My eBay store
www.liamjonesfineart.com